If you are in your mid-twenties, you probably get invited to a wedding every effing... excuse me- every other month. If you are single, you probably don't even get a plus one (I mean, I aint spending $100 a head on a stranger for you either if I know you are solo)
So, what do you do if you are single as fuck and have to attend a wedding?
You take a gay friend. That's what you do. If you aren't lucky enough to have one of your best friends be a gay man, then go find a gay bar, order a Mai Tai, and wait for the right one to strike up a conversation with. (I find mentioning Ina Garten or Arianna Grande is a sure fire way to get a gay on the hook)
Benefits to taking a gay man as your wedding date include:
- THEY HAVE SOMETHING APPROPRIATE AND AMAZING TO WEAR. No pleated 'dress pants' from 'that time they went to prom', square-toe shoes, or satin ties
- They dance
- Everyone will wonder who this mysterious, well dressed, cultured date you brought is, and where you all met because it seems like you're so happy together :|
- He won't try to sleep with you (also a con)
- They probably like to drink, but won't get out of control because they won't be bro-bonding with the other males at the party about Eli Manning or whatever...
So, I highly recommend you make like a Jennifer Anniston/Deborah Messing/Julia Roberts movie and hire a gay wedding date. Hell, I'd do it even if you DO have a boyfriend or husband- it'll probably be the most fun you'll have at a wedding all year!